One of the constants in life, and in any organization, is change. It’s happening all the time. The key is to be aware of it, notice what happens to you and your staff when it happens, and decide how you want to respond.
No need to worry about it. Remember the truth of who you are – your skill level and focus on the big picture. All will work out okay.
Remind yourself and your staff of this, often.
Workplace Bullying / Harassment – A Definition
A “formal” definition of a Bully is: “A blustering, quarrelsome, overbearing person who habitually badgers and intimidates smaller or weaker people.” To me, that’s an extreme example. A person can bully without “blustering” and they don’t need a “smaller or weaker” person to try it. Workplace Bullying just speaks to where it’s happening.
If you look at it this way I think it will help. Bullying is really a misuse of power. It can be violent or passive, verbal or physical, overt or covert, and it can harm someone emotionally, physically or both. The stress from the event, or fear of it happening again, can cause emotional and/or health challenges. Gossiping also can be a form of bullying and so can manipulating someone. In all its forms, bullying is when someone is trying to get what they want and are forcing, or trying to force another. Also, consider even in it’s mildest form, bullying is a form of violence and is not to be taken lightly.
Bullying by Managers
Managers may be bullying and not even know it. It shows up in leadership as pushing your agenda. Someone that listens to someone’s ideas and forces their own with out really considering what the other said.
One of the many detriments to manager’s bullying is that morale and productivity decrease dramatically. The manager loses the team, and the staff being bulled, harassed or manipulated will spend more time grousing, gossiping, worrying or complaining.
I’ve come across several people that work “virtually” and have experienced even more bullying. This is a variation on the “Cyber bullying” we’re all used to. One person would get yelled at on the phone by their boss. They were given unrealistic goals to achieve, treated poorly and not respected. The worker’s stress level was very high and they had thought of quitting several times.
Another person worked as a virtual assistant thinking that working from home would bring in income and increased flexibility. They quickly found how easy it was for their clients to be verbally abusive and again to have unrealistic expectations placed on them.
It’s easier for this form of “Cyber bullying” to happen because the manager didn’t have regular “in person” interaction with the staff. This makes it easier for the manager to go into the negative and abusive behavior. Bottom line, it’s the internet “virtual” syndrome. You don’t see the other person so it doesn’t seem as real and it’s easy to misuse and abuse someone. It’s the fact that people find it easier to email someone in a harmful way or post something in cyberspace. They act much differently when they have to see the person.
How to tell if Bullying is going on in your Workplace.
How is the morale in the workplace? Is your productivity where it should be? Does it feel like people are walking on eggshells?
Ask direct questions of your staff to find out what’s going on. Consider a confidential workplace survey. This will help you discover what’s really going. As is so in all conflict, ignoring does not make the problem go away. The elephant in the room only gets bigger.
Helpful Tips if You’re Being Bullied.
Tip 1: Realize the bullying really isn’t about you. It’s about the person that’s misusing their power and how YOU react to it. Don’t take their behavior personally. Take an objective look at the situation and decide what steps to take
Tip 2: Try some stress management techniques. One easy idea is to remember that whatever is going on is only temporary. You will be able to handle it. Get help if you need.
Tip 3: Low self esteem is one of the causes of the bullying, or at the least, why people don’t speak up. Remember who you are, confront any of your fears you have and take a realistic look of what to do next.
Tip 4: Respond, don’t react. One of the reasons the Bullying dynamic happens is to replicate old patterns. It’s your job not to react to it. Remember to think. If you react, you’re not thinking and odds are you’re doing the same thing you’ve done before – and you’re merely expecting a different result.
Signs your Manager is Bullying
When Managers “micro manage” or misuse their power they often do it because they are afraid. They may be afraid they aren’t good enough at managing people, that they won’t meet a quota, milestone or deadline, or they’re afraid of failing.
As an organization ask yourself these questions:
How are your leaders, really? How do they treat their staff? Are they under a lot of stress at work or pressure to succeed? How is their overall mental health? Are they being micro managed? Are you cultivating a culture of trust at your company?
Helpful Tips to Prevent Bullying from your Managers
Tip 1: Promote a culture of trust in your workplace and focus on what you’re trying to create. Remember that 95% of what you’re doing is working, unless you focus on the 5%, then it feels like it isn’t. What you focus on, whether it’s fact or not, gets bigger.
Tip 2: Encourage staff development and training. Help build your managers confidence by providing them with the tools they need to succeed. Their productivity will improve and your company will thank you for it.
Tip 3: Have clear expectations and attainable goals. Have someone you trust review your business’s expectations and goals. If they are unrealistic you’ll create undo stress and strain on your staff and morale. And so you know, your staff knows if they’re realistic even if you don’t.
Tip 4: Don’t run your organization from a place of fear. If you are fearful, if the culture is fearful, more mistakes will happen. From a practical standpoint, your staff won’t be spending time working on tasks, they’ll be spending time dealing with the culture and production will slow. It flat out isn’t effective.
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If Bullying is happening at your workplace, and / or you’d like to change the way you or your managers manage, give me a call at 206-650-5364.
I do Compassionate Leadership trainings to help managers learn new skills.
My Seven Steps to Phenomenal Management helps you make changes in the way you lead and/ or make the changes you want in your company.
My Power, Communication and Teamwork training helps your whole team and/ or company change for the better.
My Creating Positive Changes in the Workplace helps create the changes you want at work.
Do call if you’re having trouble. I can help.
Keywords: Gossip Prevention, Bully Prevention, Workplace, Staff Development, Staff Training, Management, Workplace Improvement
Bullying Prevention- Self Esteem and How it Helps Stop Bullying
For over 12 years I was a police officer with King County Sheriff’s Department. During that time I saw a multitude of conflicts that had extremely violent endings. What I came to notice was that poor self esteem was at the core of most every harmful conflict. This holds true in the extreme with physical assaults, yelling matches that make no sense, and yes, bullying.
You see, the topic at hand really isn’t the issue. It’s not about someone having “four eyes” or “looking funny” or “that was a lame move”. What’s really happening is the bully is trying to make the bullied feel bad about themselves. Once the child being bullied believes this, the bullying can continue, and continue, and continue.
Another way to look at school bullying is that the child being bullied being invited, and sometimes forced, to believe the negative things the bully is saying. If the child being bullied doesn’t believe the negative, the road to solution is much easier. This is one of the reasons why the victims of bullying often don’t report it. A youngster with high self esteem may tell the bully to stop, not let the event bug them or tell an adult.
Perfect examples are the recent bully suicides, or “bullycides.” This is where the bullied believes what the bully says and loses a sense of who they are – to the extreme.
Truly, someone being a bully is merely inviting the child to believe something negative. Help your child to not go there. Support them to problem solve from a place of high self esteem, and the outcome will be much better.
Helping the Child that’s been Bullied:
STEP 1:
Ask them to tell you what they think being bullied means about them, and really look at it. Do they think that because they are being called names it means:
I don’t belong I’m not good enough I don’t matter I’m not important I’m not capable
I’m not worthy I’m un-loveable I’m bad I’m stupid
It may be one, two or more of these. Ask them which one has the most energy or feels “biggest”. Now, ask them if it’s really true they aren’t “good enough”, that they “don’t matter.” Help them get to the place where they realize the opposite of the negative belief: the truth of who they are!
Once you’ve found the phrase, you’ve discovered what the real conversation is. The bully is trying to make the child feel like they “don’t belong.” If the child believes it, they go into a funk, and the ensuing difficulty is about believing they “don’t belong.”
STEP 2:
Help the child being bullied to feel better about who they are. When the bully picks on them again, they now have something they can tell themselves, “I belong.” (Make sure the child thinks this in their mind and doesn’t say it aloud.)
Do some “role plays” with them to help the bullied child get a new kinesthetic experience and increase their confidence and esteem. Say “Action” and play the bully. Say things similar to what the bully has been saying. You want to create a practice environment that’s safe – so they can experience success in a safe way. Say “Cut” and coach the child to make the new choice, thinking positive beliefs to themselves, walking away and going to an adult if needed.
Do this several times until the child gets a new, positive experience with the situation. Follow up with them and see how things went with the next interaction they have. I’ve done this with children, and the very next experience with the bully is much less intense. They feel better about themselves and ask an adult for help.
Need Help?
If you know a child having challenges, I’m doing a public “Positive Choices with Bullies” workshop in Shoreline on October 2nd, 2010. Call 206-801-2600 to register or call me at 206-650-5364.
If you’d like to advocate for children, I provide successful bullying prevention assemblies in schools for all ages. Please recommend me to the principal and / or give me a call.
Best,
Paul Figueroa
Peace Enforcement LLC
206-650-5364
www.PeaceEnforcement.com
Bully Prevention – How to Detect and Stop Bullying
My definition for bullying is that bullying is a “Misuse of Power.” Easy, isn’t it? This explains how it can occur to (or by) a four year old, a teenager, or anyone.
Bullying – Five Signs:
Bullying may be happening if your child:
1.) Becomes more quiet, sad or dejected.
2.) Displays unexpected anger or frustration.
3.) Avoids sharing a certain topic. Example: They used to love sharing how school went and now they just blow it off or say it was “fine” or “okay”.
4.) Changes their behavior or their energy level drops. You may notice they are more secretive about things (other than the appropriate teenager separation that occurs).
5.) Creates excuses for not doing things he or she used to.
Recognizing bullying is often easy, and sometimes it’s difficult. This is because the changes in the child can be subtle and happen over a long period of time. You may just get the sense that something is “off”. If you’re not sure, ask.
What is a dream you let go of as a child? What can you do to recapture some, or all of it?
Welcome to the inaugural launch of our new blog at Peace Enforcement LLC! Feel free to pop questions in here and watch for interesting content as well. Our website will give you ideas on the things I can speak to.
